Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, “Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals…
Now did the Lord say, “First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." - Armaments, 4:16-20
Final for my Time Arts class. Nothing gets you in touch with your own anger quite like listening to this and thinking about all the times you’ve been objectified and belittled.
DANG DANG DANG THIS IS SO GREAT I love this so much dang thank you wow
wellsetsail asked: In one of your earlier posts you mentioned your spirit guide. Can you elaborate? How can I get mine? Oh and sick blog
I learned though here.1. Prepare your environment.
Before calling on your spirit guides and angels, set up your environment, including a comfortable seating arrangement. Have a glass of water within reach. Dim your lights, lower window blinds and/or close curtains. You may also choose to light incense and/or candles. Include in your space any crystals, sacred objects, or pictures that are meaningful to you. Turn off the ringer on your telephone and make sure that you will not be disturbed for the length of time you plan to practice. Wear comfortable clothes, little or no jewelry, and remove your shoes.
2. Be specific about what type of guides you are invoking.
We try to be discriminating about the company we keep in our everyday life. This discernment must also be present when invoking the spirit world. Hold the intention and desire to attract in only those spirit beings that provide guidance, love, and higher teachings. You can say, “I now invite in all of my loving and wise, spirit guides and angels to be with me now.” It is a good idea to do this invocation every day when you first rise.
3. Be clear in your intention.
The more specific you are when asking for guidance in a particular area of your life, the more that your guides and angels can assist you. Your intention will set the tone for this relationship. When your purpose is clear that you want to communicate, spirit will automatically be aware of this, and it will enable them to connect with you more effectively. Your mind-set creates an opening for them to reach you. There is an attunement between the sender (the spirits), and the receiver (the channel), that must occur. Working with our spirit guides and angels is a two-way communication. Only when you are open to this higher guidance, can you perceive its existence in your life.
4. Do not rush the process.
Proceed slowly; do not rush the process. Pause between each step, taking as much time as you need. It is important not to have expectations, or to overreach. You want to be open, and relaxed.
5. Stretch, relax, and breathe.
To relax and release any accumulated tension or stress, stretch (preferably standing); shake out your arms and legs as well. Stretch as much as you feel necessary until there is an increased sense of relaxation. Stretch again, and simultaneously sigh (a long, deep, audible sigh on the out breath). Do as many times as you feel necessary to achieve a state of relaxation. Take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs completely; hold for several seconds, then breathe out through the mouth (making an audible sighing sound on the out breath), and relax. Do a total of three times. Continue to breathe deeply, and relax your body. Do not force your breathing; simply allow the natural rhythm of your breath to flow in and out. Become aware of the point within the breath, where there is stillness (no mental chatter), and focus your mind there. This is achieved by concentrating your attention on the quiet center that exists between the in and out breath. Continue to go deeper into that center point within, spending as much time as you need, calming and centering your mind.
6. Ask for protection.
Silently call to Source (whatever you consider to be your Higher Power), and ask to be protected. “I call now to Source and ask to be protected with the highest love and light.”
Raise and attune your vibration by chanting Aum (Om) seven times (Phonetically, this sounds like: AaaaUuuuMmmm).
8. Go through the ‘door.’
As you become more calm and centered, you will be able to sense the presence of your light body. This is readily achieved when the mind is quiet and the body relaxed. Focus your attention on your inner light body—the part of you that is pure spirit. While being cognizant of your light body, go to the doorway in your mind. The doorway is not necessarily a literal door. It is whatever image naturally appears to you. (Examples are seeing a color, an image such as a star filled sky, or an arched gateway). While aware of the presence of your light body, stand in front of the doorway that appears. Each time that you practice this, the same door will automatically be present. When you are ready, feel your light body going through this door. Be aware of entering through the gateway into a vast, timeless, space.
9. Invite in your spirit guides and angels.
Call on all of your guides and angels, and give them permission to be with you.
10. Personal Prayer.
Ask your spirit guides and angels for whatever you would like assistance with in your life. This is the opportunity to be specific in your requests for guidance.
11. Ask For a Sign.
Ask your guides to show you a sign that they are here with you. (Do not request a specific sign; be open to any indication of their presence.)
12. Ask For a Message.
Ask your guides if they have a message for you. (Allow enough time to receive an impression from spirit, and be open to any indication of their presence.)
13. Thank your guides and angels.
When you feel that you have completed your contact with your guides, thank them for having been with you.
Slowly, come back to the doorway in your mind. Reenter through the same doorway. Gradually become aware of your physical form. Proceed at whatever pace is comfortable for you. You will increasingly become aware of both your physical body and your surroundings. Taking as much time as you need, return to an awareness of your physical body. Open your eyes whenever you are ready.
Do not be concerned if you feel light-headed for a while. This is a normal occurrence after going into a trance. Get up and walk around, eat something, and/or drink water to help you return to your normal consciousness.
15. Make it a part of your everyday life.
The most important way to open a path for spirit to reach you is to be consistent in your effort to contact them daily. By having regular contact, you not only increase your faith and awareness of their presence, but an ongoing dialogue can occur. At the very least, open yourself each day to receive empowerment, healing, and channeled guidance. There is a need to restore yourself each day and to open to see if there is any information spirit has for you. Making this contact a part of your daily life, is essential to quality communication between you and your guides. When the flow of communication is open on a regular basis, you will be available to receive messages whenever spirit wishes to reach you and whenever you wish to reach them as well.
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